Sex. I said it. Get over it.

So what is the proper etiquette when it comes to sex and dating? There is no proper etiquette and that’s that. It’s actually really annoying that still, in 2014, people still view females as less because they like sex. I mean, are we not supposed to? I don’t get it. Am I not supposed to know whether or not the man I am dating knows what he is doing in the bedroom? Or on the couch? or the table? or the floor? or wherever it is he is supposed to make my body shake? We test drive cars before we drive them; why would I want to be stuck with a lemon in bed? No thanks.

I mean, I’ve been on both ends, and still, I don’t know what the right thing is. Why is there so much pressure on the woman to hold back to her desires, to not give in, to not give it away? We have sex drives too, and let me tell you, it is quite annoying to have to stifle it ALL the damn time.

I’ve been in the dating world for a long time, and I have been on both ends. I have waited a significant amount of time to sleep with someone, only to realize the dude is absolutely lame in bed, and that I have, now, wasted months out of my life, on a man who I don’t ever want to sleep with again. I have also slept with a dude super early on and dated him for over a year, on and off.  Which one is the right one?

Neither. As women, we are damned it we do and damned if we don’t. You don’t sleep with a man, he doesn’t like you. You sleep with a man, he doesn’t like you. It’s a double edged sword, and either way, you’ll bleed. It’s not fair.

Now, I haven’t slept with many men on my dating escapades, mainly because I have a hard time being attracted to someone; I don’t even want to kiss the people I have gone out on dates with, let alone sleep with them, but really now, why is all the pressure on the women? What is so wrong with wanting to explore another human being sexually, pleasing and being pleased? Why are we not allowed to enjoy ourselves? Why are we always judged if we do? Why are we judged if we don’t?

I’m not saying women should go around and sleep with everyone. I’m not saying men should. I, personally, still value sex greatly and think the only time it is really really good, is when the emotions are there. But there is a difference between a woman who knows what she wants sexually and a woman who just gratifies her voids by sleeping with multiple men. Men should know the difference and stop judging those of us who are just trying to build a stronger connection with a someone we may see some sort of future with. Men should realize that women want, need, and like sex too. 

I will not build a future with a man who is sexually selfish or who thinks sex ends only after he finishes. I, most certainly, will not build a future with a man who rolls over and leaves me dissatisfied. So why should I wait months to find this out? I shouldn’t have to, and I shouldn’t be judged for it. No woman should. Living sexless is an unhealthy way of life. Trust me, I know- I’ve been there too; it wasn’t pretty. But is it the only way? To withhold? I don’t know. 

All I know is, women like sex. Most men have no idea how to please their woman. Most women won’t tell them in fear of being judged. Whether in a relationship or not, women will always feel judged if they explore their sexual side. And that freaking sucks.