Here we are again. My fingertips pounding at the keyboard. Not angry, not sad, not anything really. That’s probably what scared me the most; the not feeling anything, in this moment, that forced me to go back to the outlet that has always helped me understand myself and grow.

Here we are again. Questioning the moments I have decided to share with others, only to either be judged harshly for what I have to say, or praised, because I actually have the gall to say it. I think we have lost sight of how to treat people. I can only speak for myself, and on certain testimonials, but- here we are again.

Where exactly did things turn? I ask myself this daily. I find myself completely baffled at the selfishness I find myself surrounded with, sometimes. How is it possible that no one does anything nice for another human being anymore? How is it possible that people can be so self-centered and not even offer the simplest things back to those who go above and beyond for them? How is it possible that people have forgotten how to appreciate, how to care, how to love.

I find myself listening to people on a daily basis, divulging their harshest moments to me, and all I want to do is cry for them. Then, I want to cry for myself. I lead my life with complete and utter love, with a compassion and empathy like no other; it is a type of compassion I have never actually felt myself. But here I am, completely awakened to numbness that has opened my eyes to a warped realm of worthlessness and the strongest significance simultaneously.

In what world do we live in, where our worth is so devalued, that we end up curled in a little ball, begging for someone or something to pick us up and tell us we are good enough? In what world do we live in, that emotion is worth nothing? In what world do we live in where we disrespect each other to the point of insanity? Why? Why have I allowed so many to make me feel meaningless, useless, valueless? Why have so many people I know allowed so many to make them feel meaningless, useless, valueless? Why do we search for validation? What is it about the world we live in that forces us to feel like this? How can we stop it?

We stop it by loving.

First, you must love yourself. Not because someone else loves you, but because you love you. Now I can attest to having many things we do not love about ourselves, and we can also withhold the things we do, but why should we? We should all celebrate the beautiful characteristics we possess, not hide them. No matter how many monsters have torn the goodness off your flesh, love yourself. Love yourself to know that selfishness is unacceptable. Love yourself enough to know that you are worth something, so when someone or something makes you feel you are not, you know you are.

Continue the trend of love. Love others. For no good reason, other than the simplest one: they exist. People are afraid of this. Sometimes, I am too. We have grown accustomed to barriers blocking love out, but let love in. We have to learn to do this. If we don’t, the world will continue turning in its darkness, and the light in our hearts will dim. I, quite frankly, am tired of living in dark.

I should probably take my own advice, and on most days, I do. But on a day like today, where I have felt all my accomplishments, all the love I put out there, all the kindness I show is not good enough, it’s hard not to give up and join the masses in the Apathetic Plague. I wonder, is it better to feel nothing or sit with the streaked cheeks I have now? I don’t know. I, too, need some light shed, some warm blanketed words of love, some momentary validation when my lionized vigor hides behind a wall.

I am not really sure how to even end this, mainly because I am not quite sure of what I am trying to say, but at least I said something.