There are days, like today- in fact, this very moment, where I have to type uncontrollably to the beat of my own heart, just to silence it. Fighting the tumultuous beats with the sounds of the keys helps with calming the storm that happens inside the body I sometimes don’t recognize.

My mind-it plays tricks on me. It reminds me of the things I thought I forgot but remembered. It reminds me of the scars I hid, that do not define who I am, but have defined so many of my decisions. My mind flutters in so many different winged directions and can not settle on any one thought. Sometimes, I’m not sure what to do. And that’s ok.

My heart hurts. From pounding out the emotions my head forces through the veins in my body.

My heart hurts. For the girl whose life was altered because someone thought it was a good idea to destroy her.

My heart hurts. From being cut up, picked apart, and thrown in the air like confetti, only for the dogs to chew and spit out because they didn’t like the taste.

I wake to pure panic, feeling the touch that annihilated me.

I wake to pure fear, feeling the disquieted soul forcing it’s way back into my turbulent reality.

I wake to to pure love, pure pride, pure optimism, feeling the submerged strength surface from inside of me.

I am awake to who I am and who I could have been.

I choose me.