The older I get, the more I try to understand love to its bitter core. We use that word so freely. We love our family. We love our friends. We love our significant others, our kids, our jobs, our pets. We love pizza. Well, I love pizza. I love pizza a little too much. We use this word that means so much, but sometimes, we don’t actually sit down and think about the internal meaning for us.

I say I love you a lot. I always tell my friends and family I love them, especially before saying bye. “Ok, love you, bye.” I say it because I mean it, and I want my friends and family to know that I do love them; to know that if something happened to me or them, they are loved, supported, cared for. I guess that’s what it really comes down to.

I recently got a tattoo on my foot. It’s an infinity sign with the Zibu symbol for unconditional love. Unconditional Infinite Love. I feel strongly about it. I feel so strongly about it that I actually placed it on my body permanently. That’s what love should be: unconditional and infinite.

I think about this all the time. What is love? I know what it is not. I have come across many relationships that show me exactly what love isn’t. I can recognize what love isn’t in a split second, and I guess from that, formulated my own definition.

Love is when you are aware and considerate of how someone else might feel. I don’t believe in the nonsense of love being the idea of putting someone else before yourself. That to me is silly. If you love someone, you should come first, because if you are not happy with yourself, if you do not love yourself, then you can not properly love someone else. I do believe, however, that love is compromise. That isn’t putting someone else’s needs before yours; it’s accepting, understanding, and learning that someone is different and may need different things. Love should never be a constant sacrifice. Love should never be a pool of tears. Love is beautiful. When love is present, so is peace. Love does not cause turmoil and insecurities. It brings confidence and strength.

Love is beautiful. It isn’t perfect, but it is beautiful.

This is something I think about a lot. As a single woman in her thirties, one who has made plenty of mistakes and who is still constantly learning and growing, I realize how the idea of love has changed for me. But, for me, love brings serene tranquility, hopeful vitality, a restful exquisiteness. Love brings me sound sleep, and I pray to find someone who will unconditionally and infinitely love me, as I will unconditionally and infinitely love him.