Here’s what some conversation and self-reflection have sparked: I have never been so ready to finally give my love, my trust, myself to someone worthy and deserving. This world is scary, very scary, and there are so many disingenuine people lurking in the corners of our life, waiting to take all the goodness we are willing to give, but there are also so many amazing people in this world who just want to find another amazing person to share their life with.

For so long, half of me has been angry, afraid, bitter, but the other half has been open, waiting, willing. I have let people climb my little wall, opened my door, and always been myself- a little too careful, but myself, none the less. I have always, whether a relationship would have grown or not, been the caring, giving, supportive person I naturally am. But I have also been quick to defend, quick to walk away, quick to give up because, in the past, I fought for people to love me instead of fighting for the people that already do. I got that confused for a while, not knowing when to walk away, not knowing if someone truly cares, not knowing if whatever the relationship was, was worth pursuing or saving. Most of the time, the answer was no; no it was not worth saving because if someone truly cares for you, they wouldn’t mistreat you, they wouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself, they wouldn’t leave  you alone wondering, crying, in pain. People who are truly genuine, truly loyal, truly there for the right reasons, don’t leave you alone in your harshest moments; they don’t cause them either- they ease them.

I will fight, tooth and nail, for someone who truly loves me, who really wants the best for me, who is unafraid to stand in front of me in their rawest, most vulnerable moments, but what I will not do is compete, impress, or convince.  Finally, I have learned the difference, and because of that, I am finally ready.