It’s been a while since I’ve tapped my feelings on the screen. It’s been a while for everything really. This year, this year has been one of the toughest, yet rewarding, years of my life. This year has taught me so much about myself-mostly about how afraid I am, but more importantly, how brave.

It’s amazing how people perceive you versus how you perceive yourself. “You are what they call an empowered woman.”- that’s the term. That’s the quality. That, apparently, is me. And I guess I am in the eyes of those who see, but in mine, I am still so scared. I have so many insecurities. So many. More than anyone else I know. I am always saying “I can’t” even when I am actually accomplishing whatever it is I think I can’t do. I am always looking in the mirror and picking out what’s wrong. I am always thinking.

But I am, also, always growing.

“I want to be like you.” I hear this a lot. Do they even know how hard I am on myself? Do they have any idea how frustrated I get? How angry? How sad, sometimes? Do they know that that the tears flow when the anxiety sets in? Do they know that sometimes I just feel like giving up? Do they know that sometimes I do? Probably not. But maybe they do, because the honesty the flows out of me, allows every single person to know, that even the strongest are weak, the most empowered are disempowered, and the most confident are frightened.

What they see is a woman whose head is held high- a woman who keeps going; a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it, despite the fear. What they see is a woman who values herself, who knows her worth, who does not engage in disrespectful acts of rage, who knows how to feel every single emotion and still comes out smiling, stronger, and still sincerely herself. What they see is a woman who owns her flaws and flaunts them in the most appealing and alluring way. What they see is ME.

I guess what makes me “empowered” is accepting the good with the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the courage and the fear. I am unafraid to be uniquely myself, but wise enough to know, I am just another small person in a really large world. What makes me “empowered” is accepting myself for exactly who I am in this moment, but knowing, that tomorrow, I may be different, based on today’s experiences. I am not afraid to learn, I am not afraid to fail, and I am not afraid to succeed, but sometimes, I am. It’s a balance of allowing myself to be exactly who I am supposed to be and not giving a single shit about what the person next to me thinks.

“How can I be more like you?” they ask.

Just be yourself and love it.