The F Words of Mental Health Episode on Life with Leni Podcast: https://anchor.fm/lenigian/episodes/Life-with-Leni–Episode-7–The-F-words-of-Mental-Stability-enelpu/a-a2in821

My F words of mental stability. This is sort of what I live by. You see, I’m the type of person that walks my talk. I don’t just spew out advice without actually taking it. Imagine that! Taking the advice we give others. Of course, this wasn’t always the case. I think somewhere around the 486,989th time of saying “Wow, I should really take my own advice”  that I actually started taking my own advice.

I started with the 4 letter F word, first. FEEL. You thought I was going to say something else didn’t you? I don’t blame you. I use THAT F word a lot too. 

First and foremost, FEEL all your FEELINGS. (Notice the alliteration there. I’m an English Nerd, don’t judge)

So yes, Feel all your feelings. FIGURE out what they are. And feel them. All of them. There are more emotions than just happy, sad, and angry. What are you feeling? Are you frustrated? Are you hurt? Disappointed? Ashamed? What are you? Figure it out and feel it. Allow yourself the space to feel your emotions as they are coming. Stuffing them down your throat and into your stomach will only make it worse. 

In order to heal, you must feel. And in order to feel, you have to tell your story. 

So tell it. To someone. It doesn’t have to be to the whole world. It could be to someone you trust. 

A friend, partner, coworker, family member- and if there’s no one, because there are people who do not have a single soul in the world they trust, find a therapist.

And feel.

All your feelings. 

All the time. 

Once you have learned not to numb yourself, brush how you feel under the rug, ignore it, project it, deny it, lie about it- whatever unhealthy coping mechanism you have used up until now to protect yourself, and actually sat inside your own feelings and felt them- as hard as they are to feel, you felt them. You allowed them to live- now you have to FACE the problem. 

You feel a certain way because there is a problem. Sometimes the problem has a solution and sometimes it doesn’t. What is causing you to feel this way? Identify it. Confront it. Or don’t. Find a solution if you can. Or don’t. But figure out what it is. Where are these feelings coming from now? What is causing them? It could be an event; an actual even that caused us distress or it could be something that triggers our feelings from a past event we have never actually faced. 

That’s what triggers are- it’s not necessarily what is happening in the present moment, but that recurring feeling it brought forth that we have been ignoring until now. 

So- Face it. Head on. Make the decision. Will you confront this problem or will you just accept that it is there and not let it affect you? Both are acceptable, but you have to make a decision about it. What will make you feel better? 

A lot of the time, things are out of your control, so you’ll have to just accept that there is a problem and there will always be a problem. Especially if it’s a person. Because the only person you can control is you. You can’t change the people around you but you can change the people around you. So if there is someone toxic- remove them or remove yourself. You don’t owe anyone you presence, especially if all you have done is good. Now, if you have caused harm, if you are, in fact, the problem-because sometimes we are the problem- FIX yourself. You can’t fix someone else. But you can FIX yourself. By FEELING all your feelings and FACING the problem head on. 

How do you FIX yourself you ask? Well, you FOCUS on yourself. You FOCUS on who you actually are. Sometimes, even in our 30’s and 40’s, we’re still figuring that out, and that is OK. Don’t let anyone tell you it is not ok to continuously figure out who you are and who you want to be. We are so fixated on this idea that we have to be in a certain place in our lives by a certain time or age, and if we’re not, we failed. I’m here to tell you that’s some bullshit. Don’t buy into it.

So, focus on yourself. FEED your passion. If you don’t know what your passion is, try new things. Figure out what you like? It’s easy to figure out what we don’t like, but what do you like? What makes you feel peaceful? What makes you feel fulfilled? What makes your light shine? What brings an automatic smile to your face? Do that. Do all of that. Focus on who you are, who you want to be. Focus on your self care. Focus on your boundaries. Focus on taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, mentally, psychologically, financially, spiritually. Focus on you. And only you. I know some of you are parents and you think you have to put your child first. That’s not true. A happy, fulfilled, healthy parent is the best parent. You were a man or a woman before you were someone’s husband or wife, before you were someone’s boyfriend, girlfriend, partner. You are you, first. You come first. Trust when I say, your children and partners will benefit from you  focusing on yourself and making yourself happy. Because that is your responsibility. No one else’s. 

So FORGET everyone else. FOCUS on yourself. To FIX yourself. FEED your passions. FEEL your feelings. FACE the problem. FIGURE it out for yourself. And FUCNTION. Properly.

You have to function properly in order to be mentaly stable. You have to be able to feel all your feelings and still act appropriately. You have to figure yourself out and find that balance. 

So- FUCK what everyone else thinks. Fuck what everyone else says. Unless of course they are helping you on this path. You can’t say FUCK it when someone else is helping and right- if, maybe, you are the problem. FUCK the assholes. That’s what I mean. The real assholes. Not the ones you made up in your head because you didn’t want to look bad or because you were making excuses for yourself. The shitty ones. The toxic ones. The ones who steered you away from true joy and happiness. The ones who constantly keep you tethered to unhealthy misery. FUCK them. And do what is best for you. The healthiest thing for you. The thing that will make you the best, non toxic, version of yourself. The you that brings good into this world while finding its balance. Because, well, no one is perfect, and sometimes we have to accept the dark parts of us that exist, but act appropriately. 

Take no shit. 

But do harm.

And be better. 

A little bit better and healthier every day.