So what makes a good relationship good? 

How do we know that it’s good? How do we know that we are not settling for just decent? We don’t, but there are definitely signs that tell us this is worth our time.

The only thing I can say about a relationship being good, is feeling good. If your gut is telling you “this doesn’t feel right,” listen to it. Good relationships do not make you insecure. Good relationships do not make you wonder. Good relationships do not constantly hurt you. Will you get hurt, yes, but it is not a constant feeling. 

When something happens, and the first thing you can think of is calling that person you’re with and telling them, whether it is because they will be proud of you, offer a solution, help out, just listen, or just not make you feel bad about it, you know you have something worth your while. When someone lifts you up, not only when you are down, but lifts you higher up, even when you are already standing as tall as you can, that’s absolutely beautiful. I’ve seen it. I see couples who literally lift each other up constantly, and It is so inspiring. I’ve also seen couples who drag each other down, who make each other feel bad about everything, who stay together only to prove to the other person that they are better than them, that they don’t really deserve them, that they are settling for them, and this hurts my heart. 

I know this feeling. I know the feeling of “prove your worth to me.” It’s terrible. It’s draining. It’s slow suicide. Stay in a relationship where you are constantly trying to prove your worth, and you are slowly killing yourself. Stay in a relationship where the other person has one foot pushing down on your back, as you are trying desperately to stand up, and you will always be down. Pick someone who accepts you for all your flaws as well as your virtues. But be that accepting person too. We can all point fingers at our past relationships and blame the other, but the first thing you need to see is the monster within yourself, because let’s face it, when we are put into survival mode, I don’t care how good of a person you are, the viciousness comes out.

I know for myself, claws are out when I am put in the position to prove myself, to defend myself, to showcase all my positives in order to hide my negatives. Screw that. I have negatives. I have flaws, Plenty of them. There is no perfection here. There never will be. But I will be damned if I have to constantly hide who I am to please another human being. I have never, I will never. And I know that my positive characteristics completely outweigh my negatives. The people I choose to keep in my life, whether it be friends, family, romantic partners, know this. Just like the people you keep in your life should know this. Unless you are pretty terrible, then you should work on yourself. The only thing we can aspire to do is be better today.

The first step to a healthy relationship is being a healthy individual. Do you like the person staring back at you in the mirror. Pick out the things you need to work on, keep the things you love. We all have our issues; getting passed them makes all the difference. No one person will complete you. It’s unfair to think that anyone should. Complete yourself first. This is the key to happiness and health in any relationship.